A letter to Heaven                 16/07/24

Dear Shorty,

I cannot believe it has now been 2 years since you left us! Not a day has gone by since that I have not thought of you and miss you. There are so many times I forget and think to myself “must tell shorty that” but then remember that I cannot.

Your passing was a wake-up call not to take each day for granted. My biggest regret is that I cancelled our coffee meet up at work in the May. If I had known that would have been the last ever time, I was going to see you, I would NEVER have cancelled it. I just assumed you would have the treatment and get better; it only entered my head too late that the cancer was going to win the battle.

When I kept messaging you with what was going on in my life and asking if I could pop in for a coffee, you always responded but never said yes to me popping in to see you. That is when it began to sink for me that you were losing the battle. There was a strong need to reach out to you and let you know how much I loved you, my sister from another mister. Unknown to me you had been given the devastating news, I sent a friendship poem card and a health angel, just so you knew you were always in my thoughts. My hope is that you did get that gift and knew it was sent with friendship and love.

Meeting you and becoming your friend changed my life in so many ways. You are the person I wish I could be, happy, inclusive, so intelligent and funny. I miss our chats when I would be moaning, and you would have me laughing at myself. Of course, you are the one who introduced me to my husband and due to that I have my gorgeous daughter. My marriage has not always been a good one, and even now we do still struggle, but I would not change anything.

The last 3 years of your life I feel I was absent from your life, thanks to covid, it made it hard to see each other. I remember us chatting over your fence and we were on a daily walk. Then having to use your garage as my daughter needed the potty (covid with a 2-year-old equaled potty training). Then with your treatments, quite rightly when you were feeling well you wanted to spend the time with your family. I wish we could have made it to the camping meets more, we always had something on so could not make it to visit.

What I find sad is my daughter does not remember you, she was so young when she last saw you. This really saddens me as you were so important to me in my life, I literally thought the world of you, and my little girl only knows the name, she has no happy memories with you.

There are so many times I feel I let you down, that if you were looking down on me, you would be so disappointed. I keep trying to think to myself “what would shorty do” to try and be a better person and mother.

I have lost you from my life, but I feel so lucky that I ever knew you and still have lush friends in my life because I knew you. You were such an inclusive person I very quickly became part of your crew. For someone who had always struggled with friendships, it was amazing to be part of the crew and still have the pleasure of hanging out with the amazing ladies you introduced me to.

If I could turn back time, it would be to years before your diagnosis, so we could catch early, and you would still be here making us laugh and driving us crazy with ALWAYS BEING LATE!

Love you forever and I hope I can redeem myself enough to join you with the angels one day.

xxxxxxx